All Done......

Have you ever been so uncomfortable in your own skin that you wanted to peel it off??? Well, that is how I felt on Sunday. Okay....the verdict is, yes, he rips....well, I wouldn't say, "Rip".....he is a good skier and was able to keep up pretty well with the crew.

I just felt so uncomfortable around him because I was feeling like I just didn't want to be there with him. I felt so bad because he drove all the way up there, bought a ticket a hotel room, etc. I was laughing and having a great time with my friends and tried when I could to get him involved with the conversations. He was really quiet most of the day and didn't try to interject himself too much which made things worse.

Well, he read me like a book. Towards the end of the day, after all of my friends left and we were alone on the chairlift he said, "I kinda get the feeling that you are not too into me". oooppsss....was it that obvious? Ugh! I am such an ass. I wanted to talk to him about it for sure, but not at the resort. I didn't want to be rude and ruin the day. I thought it would be more polite to talk to him later in the week. BUT....since he brought it up....."Well, I am sorry if I came across that way. I don't mean to be rude to you or anything because I do appreciate you making the effort to come out here and ski with me....but I have been feeling like I am not quite ready to get involved with anyone right now." I told him that I felt terrible for not being as available as I normally would be with someone I have an interest in. I told him that I was being selfish and have been wanting to focus more on my winter program and work. Which I explained is just not me. I am typically a selfless person, much more affectionate and more available. I told him I just didn't understand why I was being the way I was being but it just is what it is. I told him all of that instead of telling him that it was really because I care about someone else and want to be with someone else. I think it was a nicer way of letting him down.

He was very understanding and told me that he was bummed because he really likes me, thinks I am fun, etc. etc. but that he could sense that I wasn't into it. I suddenly felt soooo much better and instantly realized that my uncomfortable, icky feeling I had been having for two days was strictly caused by guilt. The minute we were being open and honest with each other, the guilt went away and so did my bad feelings. We took one more run after that one and called it a day. I felt bad that he was kicked in the balls after all of his efforts, but sometimes things just don't work out and it is what it is. I hope he doesn't hate me and think I am a total bitch. He probably does, but I tried and it didn't work out.

I took my boys for a nice long hike when I got back to my ski place to decompress and felt so much better. I think I just need to give up on the dating thing for a while. My heart isn't in it right now. The other sad part is that I had a date with another guy set for tonight. I cancelled it because I just didn't want to go through with it and I was feeling too swamped with work. I am actually still at my office right now. I took a break to eat dinner, so I thought I would update the blog to let you know that "Mike" is out. I am feeling like such a bitch at the moment. Sorry guys! I am just unavailable right now.

The guy in blue on the left is Daffy Dale. (Just so you can put the face with the name). He told me the other day that he felt like my Surrogate Father. I thought that was funny because I don't think feel like he is much older than me....but I guess he is 13 or 14 years older.

And by the way....I did not put any pictures of "Mike" on this posting to give him a little privacy.

Jerry Whinefeld

For those of you who know me well, know I am not a negative person. It is unusual to hear me whine and moan about anything. Well, I need to vent here....sorry. I have recently been telling people that I feel like Jerry Seinfeld lately. You know how he can never have a girlfriend for too long because he will find a flaw or something that bothers him and focus on it until he talks himself out of being attracted to that person? Well, ever since my marriage I have been uber picky and I can't seem to find someone that sweeps me off my feet. I thought that Jeff was going to be that guy....but then he f'd me over and it didn't work out. But in 3 years, I haven't had my socks knocked off.....except...well.....that is another chapter.

But my vent is this. Okay, what am I looking for....in a very quick summary: Tall, good looking, active, ski's, has a career, intelligent, nice, fun / funny, driven, adventurous, challenges me, etc. That is the quick list. I have met a guy recently that is *most* of this list. He is good looking, 6'5" - I mean he couldn't be any taller, has a career, ski's, very nice, etc. You would think, great...I've met a potential candidate. Well, since our first date, (of which we have only had three) I just can't put my finger on it, he just doesn't set my pants on fire or get me jazzed. I don't know what my problem is. He is so nice and I just feel like I am forcing myself to like him.

So, here is the deal. I am taking the advice of my friend Dale. (I call him Daffy Dale actually....funny story about his name that I will tell you at the end to at least end this rant on a high note). Dale is one of my friends that I ski with on the weekends up here at Sunday River - where I am right now. He is happily married, has two kids, is here every weekend with his family and is living the life I would love to have some day. (To have a career and work hard during the week, but goes skiing every weekend with his friends and family....that his ENTIRE family - wife and kids - is into it and loves this lifestyle as much as he does). It's great. We were talking last weekend about my situation and how I am having a hard time getting jazzed about a guy because it is hard to find someone that is into this as much as I am. Dale was cracking me up because he told me that I need to skip the whole dinner date thing and just tell them, "look, if we are going to date, you need to come up to the mountain, take a couple of runs with me and I will let you know if I am interested at that point". That way I am not wasting any time. Dale said, "if he doesn't rip, he's out. Chelsi, you need someone who rips".

LOL! I was CRACKING up! I thought it was hilarious but strangely logical. It is so true. I have such a passion for this lifestyle that I just can't settle for anyone that can't ski. I would go crazy. It is a dream of mine to have a significant other that would love to take ski vacations to BC, Colorado and ski every weekend in Maine. It shouldn't be so hard to find this in a man, but IT IS!! Plus I find it extremely sexy when a man can rip. I don't know why, I just do.

So, "Mike" (I will call him), said he wanted to go skiing with me. I said, "okay.....you want to ski with me? Fine. You are more than welcome to meet me up at Sunday River either via day trip or get a room somewhere". I mean, how cruel can I be to this poor guy?! I feel like such a bitch. Before tonight, we had two dates. If I was into this guy, I would have invited him to stay with me at my place. I have a nice 1 bedroom apartment in Bethel that I am renting as my ski place for the winter. I have been saying to myself how nice it would be to have someone stay here with me sometime. I am Jerry Frigin Seinfeld! What is the matter with me? Good looking, nice, ski's, etc. and I am making him stay in a hotel?! UGH!

The truth of the matter is, I really think that it is because (well, at least most recently because) I can't keep my mind off someone else. That is a whole different story that I won't go into at this time....maybe some other time. But I feel like I am being unfair to "Mike". I should be upfront with him and tell him I have feelings for someone else right now. But part of me feels bad because he is trying so hard. He really wants to date me, it is obvious with how much effort he is putting in to this right now. I mean he is in a hotel room down the street right now for crying out loud!! And another part of me thinks that, hey, maybe if he rips, I may somehow become attracted to him. But I am telling you....if he doesn't rip, he is sooooo done. I just can't take it anymore. I feel so bad. Isn't that terrible? I sound like such a cold hearted bitch and that is sooooo not me. I just think I should take Dale's advice and see what happens.

I am soooo miserable right now for so many reasons. I have been spending my time thinking about someone I can't even be with right now and I have a guy at my fingertips that is good for me and I don't want him. "Mike" came up to Sunday River tonight, met all my friends up here, they all seem to like him and he is here to ski with me tomorrow. It should be an exciting time for me. But every time he touched me or put his arm around me I cringed. What is the matter with me??!!

Well, I will let you know tomorrow if he rips or not. I am going to feel bad if he doesn't because I am meeting up with a huge crew tomorrow. Honestly, I think there is going to be at a minimum 12 people with a potential for 4 to 6 more. They all rip. If he doesn't rip, I am going to feel so bad. Ugh, I am so nervous.

Okay.....onto the funny story. So, my friend Dale I met here 9 years ago when I was an Ambassador. Basically what that is, is a volunteer program that allows people to work for the mountain, wear a mountain jacket, ski around, help out the ski patrol, help out the guests, etc. And you get a free seasons pass for doing it. Well, my first year was Dale's 3rd. He had been here for a while and already knew a bunch of people in the program. I was actually the youngest Ambassador at that time. I was 24 and Dale is now, I think, 46....so he was 37 then. I was walking by Dale and a group of other Ambassadors one day with my snowboard and he said to me, "hey, are you going to go and do a Daffy on your snowboard?" I stopped dead and turned to him and said, "you can't do a Daffy on a snowboard". (like, DUH!) and I laughed with everyone else who was laughing in the group. We all got a good laugh out of it. He later told me that he was actually really embarrassed because he said he was trying to break the ice with me and talk to me so he thought he could do that by naming a trick. But it was a ski trick not a snowboard trick. LOL! So, I called him Daffy Dale after that. He is a SUPER nice guy. A real sweetheart so he was totally cool about it. Funny!!

Okay...I am going to bed now. I just needed to vent before bed. Wish me luck. I am going to need it!!!!!

Goodnight baby...I am thinking about you....You know who you are.

;-)

Do I ever Work??!!

I am now writing about my adventure in Florida. Yes....I have been taking a lot of vacations lately, I know. But this one is work related, I swear!! Well....kind of. ;-) I went to the Orlando Builders Convention. It is one of the largest trade shows in the nation. Hundreds of thousands of people attend this show. The vendor booths are absolutely amazing. Kohler has the best booth. It is literally 6 kitchens and many, many bathrooms. They have professional chefs come and demonstrate in the kitchens as well as have dancers on a stage once an hour performing dance that is similar to Cirque Du Soleil. Incredible.

Wells Fargo also has a huge party where they rent out the entire House of Blues, hire a band, have an open bar and serve tons of food. It is great! I attend this conference because industry experts speak, I get to see the latest trends in the industry on the vendor floor and I schmoose with clients. It is a great time and I always learn a lot.

This year, my friend Steve, (whom I mentioned in an earlier post) came to visit me since he is on his sailing adventure and was sort of close by. We have kept in touch during his whole trip and were really excited to hang out since it had been a few months since we had seen each other. We had a really great time. We went out to eat a lot, Sushi, Thai, Seafood, you name it! Yum! We also went to Busch Gardens, he got to see the tradeshow vendor floor, but most importantly we went to see the Daytona 500.

What an amazing experience that was! I have never seen anything like it!! To some of you, NASCAR I am sure seems really lame and boring....I know what you mean; I have watched it on TV before and was not really impressed. It is boring to watch 40 cars drive in a circle for 200 laps. BUT I am telling you....unless you have seen it in person...you have NO IDEA!! I couldn't even explain to you what it felt like to see, feel and smell these cars go by me at 190 MPH on each other's asses. The first time they whizzed by me in a noisy blur and I felt debris hitting me in the face I was absolutely amazed and impressed. I cannot believe how frigin fast these cars go around this track. These guys have major balls!! Holy shit! What a trip! It was such a fun time. I would go again for sure!

Steve and I had a great time. I am really looking forward to visiting him in USVI /BVI in March. What did I say? Yes, I did....yep you guessed it, another vacation. It is my last one for a while, I swear!! It is like I said before; I take advantage of opportunities for adventure. I do work....seriously!!!