I just felt so uncomfortable around him because I was feeling like I just didn't want to be there with him. I felt so bad because he drove all the way up there, bought a ticket a hotel room, etc. I was laughing and having a great time with my friends and tried when I could to get him involved with the conversations. He was really quiet most of the day and didn't try to interject himself too much which made things worse.
Well, he read me like a book. Towards the end of the day, after all of my friends left and we were alone on the chairlift he said, "I kinda get the feeling that you are not too into me". oooppsss....was it that obvious? Ugh! I am such an ass. I wanted to talk to him about it for sure, but not at the resort. I didn't want to be rude and ruin the day. I thought it would be more polite to talk to him later in the week. BUT....since he brought it up....."Well, I am sorry if I came across that way. I don't mean to be rude to you or anything because I do appreciate you making the effort to come out here and ski with me....but I have been feeling like I am not quite ready to get involved with anyone right now." I told him that I felt terrible for not being as available as I normally would be with someone I have an interest in. I told him that I was being selfish and have been wanting to focus more on my winter program and work. Which I explained is just not me. I am typically a selfless person, much more affectionate and more available. I told him I just didn't understand why I was being the way I was being but it just is what it is. I told him all of that instead of telling him that it was really because I care about someone else and want to be with someone else. I think it was a nicer way of letting him down.
He was very understanding and told me that he was bummed because he really likes me, thinks I am fun, etc. etc. but that he could sense that I wasn't into it. I suddenly felt soooo much better and instantly realized that my uncomfortable, icky feeling I had been having for two days was strictly caused by guilt. The minute we were being open and honest with each other, the guilt went away and so did my bad feelings. We took one more run after that one and called it a day. I felt bad that he was kicked in the balls after all of his efforts, but sometimes things just don't work out and it is what it is. I hope he doesn't hate me and think I am a total bitch. He probably does, but I tried and it didn't work out.
I took my boys for a nice long hike when I got back to my ski place to decompress and felt so much better. I think I just need to give up on the dating thing for a while. My heart isn't in it right now. The other sad part is that I had a date with another guy set for tonight. I cancelled it because I just didn't want to go through with it and I was feeling too swamped with work. I am actually still at my office right now. I took a break to eat dinner, so I thought I would update the blog to let you know that "Mike" is out. I am feeling like such a bitch at the moment. Sorry guys! I am just unavailable right now. 
The guy in blue on the left is Daffy Dale. (Just so you can put the face with the name). He told me the other day that he felt like my Surrogate Father. I thought that was funny because I don't think feel like he is much older than me....but I guess he is 13 or 14 years older.
And by the way....I did not put any pictures of "Mike" on this posting to give him a little privacy.
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